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The Assassin
"Hey, use a coaster! A perfect homemaker proves to be more than a match for invading espionage agents." -- DVD description for the episode Opening Segment Grim Reaper: "So, then I was over in India you know, and I whipped up this little monsoon. Man, I must have reaped hundreds that day. Hundreds, just like that." Crypt Keeper:'' "Really?"'' Grim Reaper: "Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Of course, I normally prefer to take souls one at a time, one at a time, but, you know, I had taken some vacation days and it was the end of the month, and so, you know how it goes. Oh! By the way, did I mention that I was in Europe? There was an Elvis sighting there, so I figured I'd check it out. But it was just a fat guy in a sequin suit. I took him anyway." Crypt Keeper's inner thoughts:'' "Is this guy boring or what? All he ever talks about is himself. I gotta remember that the next time he comes to town and wants to get together."'' Crypt Keeper:'' "Oh really? That's very interesting."'' Grim Reaper: "Yes, I thought so, too. But enough about me. I want to tell you why I am here." Crypt Keeper's inner thoughts:'' "I know why you're here, to eat my food and drink my liquor."'' Crypt Keeper:'' "More champagne?"'' Grim Reaper: "Why, sure. Thanks. Who are you saving the good stuff for? You know, you and I have been friends for a long time, and much as I enjoy these little visits, it seems to me that this tomb is not quite big enough for the both of us." Crypt Keeper:'' "What's that supposed to mean?"'' Grim Reaper: "I want to propose a contest between you and me. Winner take all." Crypt Keeper: "And the loser? You're on pal." 1...2... Grim Reaper:'' "My rock beats your scissors."'' Crypt Keeper:'' "Damn."'' Grim Reaper:'' "Give me your hand."'' Crypt Keeper:'' "Well, kiddies, looks like your pal the Crypt Keeper is in the fright of his life...death...which is kind of like the woman in tonight's terror tale. It's a nasty little chopping spree I call..."'' Reaper chops the Crypt Keeper's hand off "- The Assassin. That didn't hurt one bit." Grim Reaper:'' "Second round?"'' Crypt Keeper:'' "Go for it."'' Premise Janet McKay lives in a beautiful suburban home with her husband Jeremy while living a normal and ordinary life. One day, Janet encounters Simone Bardou and her henchmen Todd and William who have broken into the house in search of Ronald Wald, a former CIA assassin who went AWOL five years ago. Janet denies that her husband is Roland when the operatives claim he had underwent plastic surgery to change his appearance. Furthermore, the operatives plan to murder Janet under a "No Witness" policy. Todd leads Janet to a downstairs basement, which houses a gym. Janet is able to kill Todd when she tricks him into strangling himself on the treadmill. Janet then corners William in the bathroom after incapacitating Simone and strikes him in the eye with her high heel shoe, killing him. Downstairs, Janet, holding a suppressed pistol on Simone, reveals "she" is in fact Roland, having undergone a sex change. Roland also catches Simone off guard when she calls her "Gwen", shocking Simone into realization before she is shot in the head by Roland. As the story ends, Roland resumes his role as Janet while making the remains of the operatives into a tasty meal. Once Jeremy returns home in preparation for a meal with the neighbours at 7 O'clock, Janet explains to the audience "Of course I am silly, what else would I be?". Closing Segment Keeper and Grim Reaper are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors 1...2...3... Grim Reaper:'' "Damn!"'' Crypt Keeper:'' "That Janet, she must be a hell of a cook. I don't know about you, kiddies, but I found Simone pretty hard to swallow. Personally, I wouldn't have made them into a stew. I think creeps suzette would have been much more appropriate. Ready? Well, looks like I won."'' Grim Reaper: "Hey, what are you talking about? I am still here. Let's play again. Come on. Double or nothing." shows only the Grim Reaper's head remains Crypt Keeper: "Take my advice, pal, quit while you're a head." Trivia * William Sadler, who plays the Grim Reaper in this episode, also plays this exact version of the Grim Reaper in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (1991). The bookends and a majority of its jokes would later be reused for Bordello of Blood (1996) and feature another appearance from William Sadler, albeit as a mummy instead of the Grim Reaper. * Cam Clarke provides the voice of Ronald in this episode. He later voices Dudley Pig in The Third Pig. Gallery TFTC-Season-6-Stills-tales-from-the-crypt-8241304-638-480.jpg|Todd attempts to have sex with Janet after she "seduces" him TFTC-Season-6-Stills-tales-from-the-crypt-8241298-638-480.jpg|Janet finds a ring in her "meal" vlcsnap-00173.png|''Of course I am silly, what else would I be?'' Category:Tales from the Crypt Season 6 episodes Category:Episodes Category:Tales from the Crypt Season 6